If you suspect your husband is cheating on you then no wonder you are searching frantically for signs and evidence to “build your case” upon.
Do you have your suspicions? Do you want to know for sure? Read on to find out the 5 signs and what to do if your worst fears are confirmed.
1. He doesn’t want to talk about future plans or make any long-term commitments
For example, you’d like to look at a house in a different neighbourhood, somewhere that you were both keen on, but now he’s not so sure. He doesn’t mention money being the reason; instead, it could be how he “doesn’t think it’s a good idea right now” or “let’s decide nearer the time.” Both reasons are pretty non-committal and vague.
If this is something you’re hearing whenever long-term life plans are being discussed, then this is an alarm bell. Try not to just agree and say “OK hunny, we’ll talk again later”; instead, try to dig a bit deeper and ask him to be a bit more specific. Remind him that he was keen once so what’s changed? Be more interested in him which may make him open up.
2. Starting arguments / being quick to shout
He used to be easy going but now all it takes to make him snap is an innocent question such as “what time will you be home?” If work or money isn’t the problem, then he could be trying to push you away by being quick-tempered. He probably feels guilty and this is his way of making a future split easier. This isn’t always the case, of course, but a sudden change in personality could mean he’s hiding something.
Talking is key; try to gently introduce the subject by saying “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, is there anything I can do?”
3. A change in habits such as diet, exercise, and appearance
There’s nothing wrong with deciding you’d like to live healthier, but it’s a tell-tale sign when a man suddenly decides to dress completely different! Was he once a Mr Safe Dresser and now he’s Mr Latest Trend?! Acting out of character can be a sure sign that he’s met someone new and he’s trying to impress. If he’s also hitting the gym and changing his diet then it could be his aim to look younger as perhaps he’s met someone much younger. One thing you could do is offer to join the gym with him (or go swimming/running/etc) and see how he reacts. If he’s thrilled that you want to join in his new hobby then you can probably rule-out an affair; he’s probably just decided to go all-out as part of a mid-life crisis! Joining in his new-found hobby will help to lessen your anxiety and give your confidence a boost.
If he’s not keen for you to join him then suggest something you could do together as a compromise. If he’s innocent he won’t mind!
4. Working late and increased phone use
If he’s been given a recent promotion then you can probably chalk this one up to a genuine increased workload. This will also be evident if he’s open about it. However, if he’s continually staying late at the office and or always on his laptop/mobile at home then he could have something to hide. Doing things like shutting his laptop or putting his phone away quickly when you walk in is always suspicious. Staying up late and talking in hushed tones are more tell-tale signs.
If you haven’t done so already, little things like asking to “quickly use his phone” will gauge how he acts.
5. Talking about one person in particular
I don’t know about you but I haven’t heard this mentioned elsewhere! Does his always seem to mention one person in particular? This “hilarious” new woman at work? Of course it’s OK to talk about people you work with, but continually mentioning one person in particular – and talking about them in a complementary way – is a sign that they’re attracted to that person. They may not even realise they’re doing it! Casually mention that this person clearly has an effect on them as they can’t stop talking about them! This usually brings it to their attention that you’ve noticed and that it’s actually a bit strange to always mention one person in particular. Try and keep it light and say that you’re pleased they work with nice people but there are other people too!
The above is just some examples of what to look out for if you suspect your husband is cheating on you. Being suspicious is never very nice and you can easily find things to look for as “evidence”!
If you confirm he is cheating then you have two broad options:
To try and resolve what has happened (individually and as a couple) with the hope of building a new marriage together. OR…
Break up with him. Get a divorce. And begin a new chapter in your life.
You will want to give this a LOT of thought.