Love with your heart, but think with your mind and keep your eyes open love was never meant to be blind and foolish.
Let’s get into the most important 9 questions you need to ask before you walk down the aisle.
1. What does marriage mean to you and your fiancé? This question helps you understand the basic concept you and your fiancé have of marriage. Being a wife or husband is like being partners of a start-up company. If both partners have very different views of what this means the marriage will never be managed effectively.
2. What does the marriage look like to you and your fiancé? You are deep in love and have a picture in mind of what the marriage will look like 5, 10 and 25 plus years down the road. Your fiancé also has expectation of what the marriage will look like and how it will function. These expectations may be quite different so get them clear early on.
3. Why did you fall in love? This needs to be clear as well especially when the storms and challenges come. You need to always have this beautiful story to reflect on and help refocus your feelings.
4. What is your purpose in the marriage? Getting married is more about what you bring to the relationship than what you can get from it. There is a very specific set of reasons that make you the best person for your spouse. You need to know how being you and fulfilling your potential will add tremendous value to your spouse.
5. What is the purpose of your spouse as a partner? No matter how well together you believe you are, your spouse also has value to add that will make you a better person.
6. Who are you as a unique person? People get lost in relationships because they lose sight of who they are. You need to take time to figure out who you are before trying to become one with someone else.
7. Who is your fiancé as a different unique person? Apart from appreciating who you are as a unique person you need to appreciate the uniqueness of your fiancé as well.
8. What problems have you already noticed? Love is not blind; love sees the best and minimises the worst. Love lets you know that the issues did not stop you from falling in love. You still need to acknowledge the issues and bring them to the light.
9. What are the expectations you have for your life? Frustration comes when expectations are not met. In marriage you are likely to blame your spouse when these are not met. Your life expectations need to be measured against what you and your fiancé agree on for the marriage.
Taking time to answer these 9 simple questions can save you from the pitfalls that have wrecked many couples. Reduce the risk of divorce by spending more time on questions like these and less on questions about the colour of bridesmaid dresses, menus and flowers.