When one hears the term Love language, one would wonder what that means, if its some kind of language which is spoken by people in love. Just like any language, one’s love language is simply a primary way of expressing ones love. In Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Language”, He lists 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation

What you say is of great importance to your partner if this is her way of identifying to love. She may love to hear those “I love you” and “You make me happy” statements you hold in. Encouragement, verbal appreciation and compliments make some people feel special and loved.

Receiving Gifts

This is for those who value gifts as touching and meaningful. This, of course, may be mistaken as materialism by many, and in such an acquisitive era, they could be partially right. But if your spouse speaks this language, they not only appreciate the gifts, but also the thought and effort behind the gesture. Even something as simple as a pen or a favourite meal could make your partner’s day.

Quality Time

For some, ‘being there’ is what counts. Spending time together is important to the person that speaks this love language. The time you spend together does not have to be occupied with any particular activity like watching a movie. Just enjoying each other’s company, even in silence, fulfils the person, and makes them feel special and loved.

Acts of Service

Washing the car, ironing, polishing shoes… can these be expressions of love? Certainly! The efforts one will make to relieve or ease the burden of certain responsibilities, of whatever kind, is greatly appreciated by those that speak this love language. Again, this does not mean that the person is lazy; it is simply a gift of love.

Physical Touch

This does not have much to do with bedroom matters. The person that speaks this language is very touchy; holds hands, hugs, cuddles, and touches their spouse a lot while interacting. All these gestures communicate love, care and concern.

Knowing and understanding your love language

In order to know and understand your own language, ask yourself three important questions.

· How do I express love to others? You may, for instance, express your love best by giving thoughtful gifts to those you love.

· What do I request most from people I associate with? You may find that you love to feel appreciated and acknowledged for what you do

· What do I complain about the most? You may complain that your significant other does notice when you do something really well, highlighting your need to be acknowledged

Ask your spouse the same questions to find out his predisposition too.

Why you should know your love language

There are many ways we express love to one another, but the five languages listed above make up the key categories that most people identify with. You may feel like you speak all, but research has proved that although we may identify with all, most of us primarily speak only one language of love.

There are many cases of people in relationships feeling unloved while in the real sense, it could be that their significant other does not understand their language of love. It is important for you and your spouse to know your own as well as each other’s language so as to love each other on purpose. Understanding your spouse’s language will enable you to love her in a way she can relate to. It will also help you to determine how best to respond to her when she is feeling down. Maybe she needs a hug or perhaps just some words of love will do the trick. Her inclinations will suggestively determine this.

By Ezie Amobi Lewis

Lewis is a student of psychology. A researcher, an avid reader and a computer enthusiast with a penchant for Graphics designs and programming. Mail me at [email protected]

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